1. |
Only Real When Shared
04:31
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You said you’re gonna let go.
But I know what you want...
And I came here to tell you,
You’re gonna get lonely
But I know your mind’s made up.
There’s no use in all of this.
You brought all your books about the wildlife and vegetation.
You promised me you can tell now
What might kill ya and what might sustain ya.
So where do I fit in?
And how long is this plan to be living like a runaway?
Well ya crossed the border hours after summer’s birth...
Hitched a ride from a man with more dogs than teeth in his mouth.
He gifted you his buck knife
And I swear it was tongue in cheek ...
But your nose stayed pointed to the ground.
Now you’ve got on your brown boots that your grandfather gave you.
He told you that he wore 'em in the war.
And all I have is this letter and the ashes of the money you burned before you walked up out the door.
So tell me what happens when babbling brook runs dry and Mother Nature shrugs her shoulders?
Tell me, are you happy?
Or is it only real when shared?
Is it only real when shared?
See Honey I miss you and the world does too...
Now there’s no saving you.
Now there’s no saving you.
And Honey I loved you
And the world did too
Your pride just swallowed you
Your pride just swallowed you whole.
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2. |
Back Then
04:41
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You’ve been working too hard...
You’ve been coming home late
Just in time to clear your dinner plate
And retire to your cave.
I reminisced the other day about the nights we’d wait
Out by the tracks to watch the freight trains pass
After swimming in the lake.
Have I waited too long to try and patch this up?
Now is it too late?
I’ve been trying to get through to you like I used to.
When you smiled at me through the Marlboro smoke as ya changed my mind.
Cause I wanted you more than anything that I ever knew.
Back then you wanted it too.
Back then you wanted it too.
Your sister called me on the phone. She said she’s worried about you.
I said, “well I don’t know what you want me to do. I’m in the same boat too.
Baby your wings got clipped somewhere along the line.
I used watch you soaking in the sunlight...
I’d see the solace in your eyes.
Now have we waited too long to put this house on stilts?
Or have we given up and let the waters rise?
I’ve been trying to get through to you like I used to.
When you smiled at me through the Marlboro smoke as ya changed my mind.
Cause I wanted you more than anything that I ever knew.
Back then you wanted it too.
Back then you wanted it too.
And I know you’re still inside there somewhere, I just wish I could bring it on out.
And I don’t know when I stopped being enough for you...can’t put my finger on the source of the doubt that consumes you now.
All those evil thoughts have crept on in and they’ve wiped you out.
I came home the other night... you were sitting on the floor.
You said “I’m so sad but I don’t know what for.”
I sat down by your side as you started to weep.
You said “we’re good on paper but we fail in the streets...
And I miss how we used to be.”
Cause I’ve been trying to get through to you like I used to.
When you smiled at me through the Marlboro smoke as ya changed my mind.
Cause I wanted you more than anything that I ever knew.
Back then you wanted it too.
Back then you wanted me too.
Back then you wanted it too.
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3. |
Alaska
03:45
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I wonder what it might be like to be within the same four walls as you again...
Pressed against the cabinet in your room.
I watch you throw the pillows to the floor.
Your daily affirmations in the corner of your mirror penned in lipstick.
I read 'em over three times on my own.
I resist the urge to add another line...
To your life...
To your time here
Til it burns out with the lights.
Are you leaving or just getting home?
It gets so hard for me to tell when I'm out here all alone.
Entangled in your presence while you told me of your time spent in Alaska.
We laughed about the silly things we've done for love...
But, we were only kids then.
And I watched you get dressed for the very last time,
Just thinking how I'll never trace the contour of your spine with my fingertips again...
Watching my world become so small...
Now would you wait?
Or are we terrified to let this marinate?
Over time or into something good...
I can't help but wonder if we really could.
But, then I wonder if we even should.
Blow my mind...
I haven't felt this burning for some time now.
I've been cold...
Selfishly aware of all my downfalls.
Then you come along to shake me out of nightmares... to talk me back to sleep in peace.
The peace I find in you and you find in me.
And I won't disappear...
Don't you disappear on me.
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4. |
Own Medicine
03:33
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I’m going cross-eyed lookin’ at this small screen just
Waiting for you to acknowledge me.
I needed someone like you to creep in
To remind me I never had thick skin.
You went to work and you never came home
And I walked the beach in the cold alone.
I needed someone like you to remind me
I’m only human… I can feel too.
But you fucked me up.
Yeah you gave me a taste of my own medicine
And it chokes me up
Just thinkin’ how I’ll never feel your warmth again.
I play those hours we spent that night
Over and over in my head like a highlight.
You touched my face like you gave a damn…
Like an actress with a grudge and a revenge plan.
I counted freckles upon your face
When you took your makeup off back at your place.
That mask was nothing compared to the one you had underneath and me under your thumb…
But you fucked me up.
Yeah you gave me a taste of my own medicine
And it chokes me up…
How I’ll never kiss the top of your head again.
And it fucks me up…
Yeah, you gave me a taste.
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5. |
Wolves
03:15
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I should’ve known that you’d leave
This little pond to explore another sea.
You would show your teeth
To the wolves and have ‘em running for the trees.
Oh, the wolves… you’d have ‘em running for the trees.
You left town but your family doesn’t know yet…
You knew if you told ‘em
They probably wouldn’t let you go then.
And I don’t disagree… I just think you think differently than me
So when they come askin’ about you I’ll lie through my teeth.
Your silence was something
I never got used to.
You never let me put
My money where my mouth is...
And now it’s too late to…
To cut through your crying to
Calm you down
I used to be so good at it
You’d look at me
As if you knew the answer
you just needed it from me…
And when your father had too much to drink you’d hop your fence and cross the stream
Til the swing on my back porch would sing its song…
But now you’re on your own…
You left town but your family doesn’t know yet…
You knew if you told ‘em
They probably wouldn’t let you go then.
And I don’t disagree… I just think you think differently than me
So when they come askin’ about you I’ll lie through my teeth.
So when they come askin’ about you I’ll lie through my teeth.
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6. |
Hydroplane
03:49
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Road trippin’ in a downpour...
Turn the tunes loud enough to drown out the raining drums.
And the water beat down on my workhorse.
‘Hundred-fifty thousand miles tucked under its serpentine belt.
And just enough water got up under my treads and in the blink of an eye it was out of my hands.
Now I’m swervin’, headed for the median head-on just about as fast as I can.
And I braced as I bounced back across the lanes.
I was spinning like a top, but I still made out your face.
Why were you the only thing on my mind when I thought it might be the end?
As I bargained with God just to let me go on home again.
And sometimes our lives will hydroplane.
‘Cause too much of a good thing built up could drive anybody insane…
But if we just slowed down, well we wouldn’t even need our brakes.
We’d coast along together without hurrying.
And I braced as I bounced back across the lanes.
I was spinning like a top, but I still made out your face.
Why were you the only thing on my mind when I thought it might be the end?
As I bargained with God just to let me go on home again.
It could’ve been me. I could’ve been the one that ya read about…
So will I learn? Will I use this marker as a turnaround?
Tell all the ones that I love that I’m only gonna love ‘em more…
That I’m only gonna love ‘em more from now on.
Well, don’t look at the clock for too long or you’ll lose all the seconds you own… Yeah you’ll lose all the seconds you own.
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7. |
Finders Keepers
03:33
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Finders Keepers could rearrange, but our lungs can’t breathe in long enough and the timer on the oven can’t keep itself occupied.
It’s a common agreement we make with ourselves to shift the blame,
Cause no one likes a sourpuss…
But I’m starting to realize I’m surrounded.
I swear to God I’m the only one.
I’m the only one.
I’m the only one.
I’m the only one.
And I start each day on the wrong note just to make it right again.
Even my body don’t own my blood, though it’s thinkin’ it could.
Throw a penny in the wishing well… just to fish it out again.
Even good luck says that my money’s no good…
I know I’m the only one.
I’m the only one.
I’m the only one.
I’m the only one.
I try to catch myself in the act of it (cause you don’t want another day).
Filled with Kennedy’s and leather-bound books (readin’… readin’ away).
Should I sip the potion, or drink the wine that makes us sleep so easily in the darkest of times… In the darkest times.
I’m the only one… the only… the only…
I’m the only one.
I’m the only one.
I’m the only… I’m the only…
The only one.
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8. |
Faceless Better Half
02:21
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Can I convince myself that I’m someone else?
Oh the work that it would take...
Just to tell my brain
That this ain’t hell...
Just hold on another day.
I have dreams you’re standing in the kitchen
And I’m gently pulling on your braids.
But the pain of a better half still faceless
Is getting hard to hide away.
And I ask if I can ever be loved again…
Oh, the strength that it would take
Just to let someone else try and be my net
And give myself a break.
And I have dreams we’re driving in a blizzard.
And I turn to you, but never see your face.
Oh, the doubt that boils up when I think of finding love
Is getting harder to simmer each day.
But one day I will find you
When I least deserve.
Oh, a counterpart that pleasantly reminds me
That there’s more to earth...
She’ll be just enough of her
And I’ll be just enough of me…
And then I’ll see.
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9. |
22nd Time
04:07
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You, you change your mind
For the twenty… the 22nd time.
But this one feels so different by the smell of the wind.
You didn’t know your name
But it didn’t matter once the police came…
Lost in the woods with a darkness you needed to save.
I know you’ve heard these words before…
If only the truth was as thick as your skull.
I’ll wait… I’ll wait in line if some patience could save your life.
If only your will was as strong as your word.
Holding out…
Holding out…
So they take you in
And you field all the questions
Like watching an old movie again...
Where you know every line
So you mouth along.
But in this life, our endings aren’t set in stone like a cinematic sketch.
Our pencils erase, but they’re useless if you’ve broken the lead.
I know you’ve heard these words before…
If only the truth was as thick as your skull.
I’ll wait… I’ll wait in line if some patience could save your life.
If only your will was as strong as your word.
Holding out…
Holding out…
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10. |
Petrichor
06:37
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Three days it rained in our neighborhood…
We rode our creaky bicycles ‘round the muddy yard.
On our street it poured, on the next block it was dry.
We learned that day
Even rainstorms have a fine line.
10 years old and we up and left…
Shattered our world as if the worst was next.
Yet only 5 minutes drive between our old and new homes.
But you can’t tell a kid what he don’t wanna know.
The end of our street felt like coast to coast…
But the universe scaled with our growth.
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Caiola Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Jordan Caiola (CAI•OLA) is a songwriter/musician/producer based out of Philadelphia. He founded the indie rock band Mo Lowda & The Humble in 2010 and released his first solo record in October of 2020.
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